Have you noticed someone who seems to wilt at the news of your success or find joy in others’ misfortunes? That might be envy rearing its head. Envy can be a complex emotion, but it’s important to recognize the signs and know how to deal with envious people.
Envy is an ill human emotion and envious people have the tendency to harm or threaten your joy and peace. This is why it is imperative to know how to deal with them effectively. Here in this article, we will explore the characteristics of an envious person and how to deal with them.
An envious person is usually resentful. They show resentment towards others who have what they desire, whether it’s success, possessions, or attributes. Envious people show resentment in various ways.
One of the potent ways is through negative comments. For instance you got a promotion at work, you can hear them saying stuff like, “You only got that promotion because you’re friends with the boss.”
Another way is through body language that shows their discomfort or frustration when interacting with you. It can be in the form of hissing or sighing during conversation, eye-rolling crossed arms, avoiding eye contact, or squeezing their mouth.
Also, resentment can come in the form of unfair criticism or undermining of your qualities or achievements. They can say words like, “Don’t feel you have done anything special; anyone could have done that if they had the same opportunities.”
Additionally, resentful people often complain or grumble. Oftentimes, they complain about how unfair life has been or how they deserve what others have. You can hear them saying words like, “I work just as hard as they do, but I never get the same recognition.”
One of the characteristics of an envious person is that they are fond of gloating over other’s failures. They secretly or overtly rejoice in others’ misfortunes or failures, and they ignore their successes.
One of the ways you can identify them is by their smug expressions. They display a satisfied look, which can be in the form of smiling, laughing, or looking away when you have a problem.
Also, envious people are known to make or exaggerate comments about someone else’s misfortune. For instance, “Did you hear about their latest failure?
They messed up this time.” They don’t stop at just making comments about one’s failures; they publicize the news. For example, “Guess what happened to [Name]? They got demoted at work!” Additionally, they ignore or downplay your successes and that of others. They can say stuff like, “Yeah, they did well, but did not handle the project like professionals. It was all luck!”
This is one of the traits of envious people exhibited in the form of indirect resistance to the demands or expectations of others.
It involves expressing negative feelings or hostility in covert or subtle ways instead of addressing them openly. It is expressed in the form of sarcasm, backhanded compliments, subtle sabotage, silent treatments, and indirect criticism.
Sarcasm and backhanded compliments are compliments that seem positive but are meant to undermine or criticize. For example: “Nice job on the presentation! I didn’t expect you to pull it off.” Subtle sabotage is when they sabotage your efforts in subtle ways, like forgetting to send important information or deliberately making mistakes.
Envious people frequently compare themselves to others and feel inferior or inadequate. They view your achievement as a threat to their self-worth and always feeling inferior around you.
Due to their inferiority complex, they make statements to belittle you to feel good about themselves. You could hear them saying, “She is not that beautiful; I don’t know why she thinks is,” or “She is even wearing fake designers’ clothes.”
When you hear someone spreading negative or false information about you to damage your reputation, it is a clear indication that they are envious. Undermining behavior is actions that subtly or overtly weaken your efforts, achievements, or reputation.
It manifests in various forms, from spreading rumors and withholding information to more overt actions like publicly criticizing or sabotaging someone’s work.
Envious people are known to give backhanded compliments or sarcastic remarks that seem positive on the surface but carry negative undertones.
It can come in the form of ambiguous praise, such as “You’re pretty smart for someone who didn’t go to college,” or compliments that subtly question the legitimacy of the achievement, such as “Your presentation was impressive, considering how little experience you have.”
Lack of support refers to situations where you do not receive the encouragement, assistance, or validation you need from colleagues, friends, or family because they are threatened by you. It can be in the form of withholding help, recognition, or encouragement intentionally to undermine your progress or achievements.
Dealing with an envious person is challenging. You cannot totally avoid them; hence, you have to know how to deal with them, but employing the right strategies can help you maintain your cool and composure when relating with them. Here are some effective ways you can deal with an envious person without losing your joy or peace.
Always ensure you maintain professionalism when interacting with an envious person. Respond to negative behavior with calmness and composure, and avoid doing anything that can escalate the situation.
For example, if an envious colleague criticizes your work unjustly, respond calmly with, “I appreciate your feedback. Let’s discuss how we can improve this further.” This reply can throw them off balance because they mostly do not have anything constructive to say.
Set firm boundaries, and make it clear what behavior you will and won’t tolerate. Be quick to step away from anything that threatens your boundaries. Protect your self-esteem and peace at all times.
For instance, if you have an envious person poking into your matters, you can simply say, “I prefer to keep our discussions as work-related and official as possible.”
If you have an envious person around you who hates your successes and looks for any opportunity to belittle your achievements, one thing you should do is limit the information you share about your personal life and successes to avoid triggering their envy.
If the person is unavoidable, focus on discussing neutral topics rather than discussing your latest promotion or personal achievements
If you notice that a person is making envious or negative comments, gently redirect the conversation to more neutral or positive topics. Do not show anger or resentment towards their comments. If it is hurtful, look for a way to gently excuse yourself.
Envious people are known to be resentful of their words and actions, and one of the most potent ways to deal with them is to avoid taking what they say or do personally.
Most times. You cannot totally avoid them or stay away from them, so not taking them personally will help you relate without losing your cool. Understand that their envy is more about their insecurities than a reflection of their worth or success.
I know this might not sound very cool, but being empathetic can go a long way in helping you relate with an envious person effectively.
If you recognize that the person’s envy stems from personal struggles or insecurities, showing empathy can sometimes mitigate their negative behavior. For example, you can say, “I understand that things might be tough for you right now. Is there any way I can help?”
If it’s appropriate and safe, having an honest conversation about feelings and perceptions might resolve misunderstandings. Note that you have to first identify it is safe before you initiate an open dialogue. For example, you can say something like, “I’ve noticed some tension between us. Can we talk about what’s going on and resolve it?’
Envious people can be annoying at times, and you might be tempted to respond to them negatively or harshly, but you must learn to stay true to your values and ethics.
Do not let them know that their words or actions are getting into you. Avoid stooping to their level or engaging in similar negative behavior. Continue to interact with professionalism and kindness, even if they do not.
I know it can be super tiring to deal with envious people at times. If you feel tired and exhausted from relating with an envious person and you feel like giving up, please seek support from friends, family, or a counselor.
If you are thinking of how to start the conversation, you can simply say, “I’m finding it hard to deal with a colleague who is constantly belittling and sabotaging my efforts at work. Can we talk about how I might handle it better?”
Envious people often display resentfulness, gloat over others’ failures, exhibit passive-aggressiveness, engage in jealous comparisons, undermine others, give disguised compliments, and lack support
Dealing with such individuals requires a combination of empathy, assertiveness, and emotional resilience. With these, you can easily maintain professionalism, set boundaries, know what to share and not to share, redirect the conversation, and keep their behavior off your heart.
The peculiarity of the envious person you are interacting with will determine which of the techniques to employ, this is why emotional intelligence is important. Learn to retrace back and seek support if you are becoming overwhelmed and are almost at the point of losing your cool.
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